Probably In Between

Being in your 30’s is when you thought you would have it all figured out, right? Wrong! There is a very real grief that comes with not having the life you thought you would have by now.

I look around at my life now as a 37-year-old woman and think, how tf did I get here?! I’m not saying my life is horrible by any stretch of the imagination. But, it is not how I imagined it.

If you would have told me 10 years ago that I would be a single mom, I would have said “No way.” Not me-the one who was so hell-bent on NEVER becoming someone’s “baby mom.” Yet here I am. Funny how life turns out.

I was engaged to my child’s father and had a wedding planned. I had the venue booked, the dress, and even sent out save-the-dates. Then life happened, and long story short, the wedding was called off. As much anger and hurt that I felt back then, looking back I realize that was probably the best decision.

It wasn’t all bad, because from that union came a beautiful baby girl who is quite literally my whole world. I can’t imagine my life without her, but I won’t sit here and pretend it isn’t tough-because it is.

If you’ve ever been through a split, you know how difficult it can be.

But here’s what I am NOT DOING:

1. Continuing to replay scenarios over and over in my head, because it’s not going to change the outcome
2. Settling for less than I deserve just so I don’t have to be alone
3. Pretending I’m fine and bottling everything up instead of processing it

What I AM doing:

1. Allowing myself to grieve the life I thought I’d have while still making room for the one I’m building now
2. Refusing to stay stuck in the past, choosing growth over bitterness, and building peace one day at a time
3. Keep showing up for myself and my daughter the best way I know how to